The Awakening: Edna's Letter to Léonce

My dear Léonce,

How do I even begin?

How do I

tell Léonce all that I’m feeling

all that’s been building up inside

Do I?

Do I just tell him I’m leaving or do I tell him why?

As you read this, I must ensure that you are aware that there is nothing to be said or done that could possibly change my mind; I am firmly resolved of what I am about to tell you. I have decided to leave our house and move into a little four-room house. It is just down the street, and very small; the rent is minimal.

Do I even know why?

Why I even want it?

You already have such a lovely home, he’ll say

and it is true

But

I want to have a place that I can call my own

I want to avoid that despicable duty of managing the household

Not that I have been fulfilling that duty to begin with these past few months

I have amassed sufficient funds over the course of this winter, all of which I have earned on my own through selling sketches, a large sum I won at the races, and the remainder from my mother’s estate.

I am just so sick of caring for the household. I know I am supposed to, and I am even supposed to enjoy it, to live up to that ideal of a “mother-woman,” like Léonce wants, like my dear friend Madame Ratignolle is, but I don’t.

I just don’t.

Yet every other woman does

But how do I tell Léonce that

He’ll never understand

I cannot bear to continue with this draining life, tending to such a large house, managing an entire household, and so many servants.

And the children…

I’m just not fated for it.

But of course, I could never admit that to Léonce

I could never even say such a thing aloud.

I hope to allow more time

for freedom

for independence

to focus on myself

to escape the restrictions of society

to focus on my art. Laidpore is growing increasingly smitten with my work, and has encouraged me to pursue my potential.

That is not your true reason, ma belle

There is no use in telling me lies

But I can’t tell Léonce

I can’t tell Léonce that I can’t stand to live in a house that is not mine,

That I feel trapped,

that I can’t bear knowing that I depend entirely on my husband,

that the house I live in, the money that provides for it,

are not mine.

That I wish to go away

to escape all of that

Be independent,

independent of him.

So I just won’t.

⁓

I must be assertive.

Celestine will come stay with me, and all of the other servants have been dismissed as they are no longer needed.

Authoritative. Make him understand I have already decided the matter and there is no use trying to alter my opinion.

Now, I realize that this all must come as quite a shock to you, but you must not try to dissuade me. I am entirely resolved and have already taken action; I am simply notifying you out of obligation.

But

What if he thinks I am mentally unhinged?

Oh my, what if-- if he sends me to

an--an asylum?

No.

No.

That could never happen

I must be clear that I am sane

That despite being a caprice, this is no mere impulse.

No, this is no mental breakdown

I am simply ...acting upon a long withheld urge?

Yes. That’s it. A long withheld desire that I didn’t even realize until now, but can no longer ignore

I promise you that I have not gone mad; I have made this decision rationally as I believe it is what will be best for me, it is what I need.

And as my husband, you will recognize your wife’s needs, won’t you?

You will allow me to do what I know is best for me?

I must inquire of your current situation. How is business in New York? Will you be returning soon?

Please say no

Please say prospects are too abundant

Please say you have no choice, you are sorry but you must stay away awhile longer

The children must stay away awhile longer

I must be left on my own, granted my freedom, my independence awhile longer

Allowed to refrain from confronting reality, allowed to keep on floating through the days, doing as I please, awhile longer

I miss you, my dear.

Oh, how I hope he’ll stay a little longer

The children will stay away, the responsibilities, the pressures, the reality of society

Will stay away

~Edna

((Reflection:

Genre: Letter to Léonce

Perspective: Edna

Additional background information: Bolded text is what Edna is writing to Léonce, while italicized, indented text represents Edna’s thoughts, specifically what she chooses to and not to tell Léonce, and also shows how her thoughts progress and she uncovers more about her true feelings to both the reader and to herself.

How understanding was deepened: As I wrote this, I found I had to really look deeper into Edna’s reasons for moving out, as a deeper understanding was needed to draw a distinction between the reason she tells Léonce, the reason she tells herself, and the true reasons that she has difficulty even admitting to herself, that Mademoiselle Reisz began to uncover. I used the dialogue on page 76 a lot, because it provided me with information about that progression of revealing the deeper reasons. Ultimately, I decided that Edna chose to tell Léonce that she was simply sick of managing the demanding household, and even to pursue her sketching, she tells herself that she wants more freedom and independence, and what I believe to be her true reason is that she is simply trying to escape Léonce and all of her responsibilities, the expectations imposed on her by society (and her husband), most importantly, being the perfect housewife and mother, and moving out gives her an opportunity to escape it all. I hoped to convey the progression of Edna denying this, the realizations she comes to, but keeping it to herself.))